British author Nick Bantock wrote, “Letter writing is an excellent way of slowing down this lunatic helter-skelter universe long enough to gather one’s thoughts.”

In an age of tweeting, texting and emailing, the art of letter writing is fast becoming an endangered species.

When I prepare a young couple for marriage, I give a difficult and sometimes daunting assignment. I ask the young man and woman to write each other a personal and heartfelt letter, following some surprising and basic guidelines. I ask that the couple write from the depths of the heart, and not share the content of the letter at this time with the future husband or wife. I also ask the couple to ponder deeply a number of questions while preparing to commit thoughts and feelings to print:

• What does your fiancé or fiancée mean to you?
• How did you meet?
• What are your hopes and dreams for the future?
• How would you describe your future spouse to a complete stranger?
• What qualities do you have in common?
• What new gifts has your future spouse drawn out of you?
• What place does Christ have in your relationship?
• What spiritual steps will you take to ensure that your marriage will endure the good times and bad times now veiled before your eyes?
• How will a sacramental understanding of marriage enrich your relationship?
• What are you doing to ensure that prayer is part of your daily lives, individually and as a couple?
• How will you actively engage yourselves in the life of the parish?
• How will you ensure that your marriage continues for the rest of your life?

Upon receiving these beautifully written expressions of love and faith, I fold them into the wedding homily.

The couple’s words are always deep, meaningful and moving. Sometime they hear this profound expression of faith and affection from their loved one for the first time.

The Church’s theology of marriage is built upon the vision that the spouses “mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church.” (CCC 1623)

This exercise of letter writing, coupled with sound catechesis, helps couples to prayerfully contemplate and personally embrace the Church’s vision that marriage is mutual, sacramental, faithful and lifelong.

It also aids couples early in wedded life to invite Christ to become the heart and soul of their household.

Following the birth of children, I make a similar request of new parents seeking baptism from the Church. I ask them to write a letter to their child, the contents of which I use in the body of the baptism homily. This practice, too, builds upon the Church’s insight that parents are the “nurturers of the life that God has entrusted to them.” (CCC 1251)

The sacrament of baptism is described as “the gateway to life in the spirit, and the door which gives access to the other sacraments.” (CCC 1213) This simple letter writing exercise helps parents to open the doors of the Church to their child.

In the parents’ letter to their little one, I ask them to consider:

• Giving gratitude to God for this precious gift of new life.
• Expressing their hopes and desires for the child in the ways of faith.
• Prayerfully probing the rich meaning of baptism as expressed in the Catholic Catechism and in the catechetical materials provided by the parish.
• What role their home parish will play in supporting their responsibility as the first teachers of the faith.
• Contemplating how they will live out the promises of baptism that they will make during the baptismal liturgy.
• Asking what role the godparents will have in the faith life of their child.
• Prayerfully pondering how they will introduce their child personally to Jesus Christ.

The sacrament of baptism frees us from original sin and incorporates us into the living Body of Christ. The parents’ preparation through prayer, catechesis and letter writing helps them to understand and celebrate their baby’s new life given through water and the Spirit.

Following the celebration of baptism, I tell the parents to seal their letter in an envelope and place it in the family Bible or baby book.

Then, years later, on their child’s day of confirmation, the parents invite their son or daughter to read the same baptism letter aloud, and listen to the powerful words their parents wrote so long ago. What a great way for the son or daughter to personally confirm and embrace the promises of baptism made by their parents years earlier.

The Fathers of the Second Vatican Council described the Catholic household as “the domestic Church in which the parents are the first heralds of faith.”

The exercise of letter writing at key sacramental moments helps a couple to create a firm spiritual foundation for one another and for their children.

The Book of Joshua says it well: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”


Published in The Montana Catholic Online, Volume 28, No. 1, January 20, 2012.