By Rosemary Miller

It was 40 years ago that I worked with my first birthmother. She was the young mother of toddler Mary and baby John. She was single, had dropped out of high school, had no employable skills, no transportation and no family support, and she struggled to parent her two children. She courageously decided that an adoptive family would be the best decision she could make for them.

Mary and John joined their adoptive family with the secrecy that was the practice in adoption at the time. Their birth mother was expected to move on with her life, but through the years I am sure she thought about her two children often and wondered how they were doing. I have no doubts that through those same years, Mary and John had many questions about their birth family, questions that remained unanswered.

Through the experiences of closed adoptions, we learned that the practices were not really in the child’s best interest, but served the needs of the adults involved in adoption. Children have a need for connectedness, and closed adoption disconnects them entirely and permanently from their birth families. In the 1980s, adoption practitioners began to question the reasons behind their practices. The result was a move toward more openness.

In 1990, Catholic Social Services of Montana converted to a policy of fully disclosed open adoption and became a leader in open adoption in the state. Through the years, we have seen the benefits to children in open adoptions. Now, it is time to again examine our practices. With the help of Jim Gritter, our staff will examine the current practices of open adoption within Catholic Social Services of Montana.

An early and sincere advocate for open adoption, Jim worked for more than 30 years as a counselor and supervisor in the field of adoption at Catholic Human Services of Michigan. In 1982, he organized and hosted the first national conference focused exclusively on open adoption, and subsequently he hosted eight more conferences exploring the subject. He has trained in more than 25 states and provinces. Jim edited “Adoption without Fear,” in which 17 couples tell about their experiences with open adoption, and he wrote “The Spirit of Open Adoption,” “Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption” and “Hospitious Adoption.”

In 1999, Jim received congressional recognition for his national impact in the field of adoption, and in 2000, the National Association of Social Workers declared him a Social Work Pioneer, an honor that recognizes social workers for unique contributions that have improved social and human conditions. Jim also has received the Baran-Panor Award conferred for outstanding contributions in open adoption.

Catholic Social Services of Montana is honored to have Jim Gritter train and present in our state. The public is invited to hear him in Billings on Aug. 31 at St. Vincent Healthcare’s Mansfield Center. He will speak at 6:30 p.m. For more information, contact Catholic Social Services of Montana at 800-222-9383 or 406- 442-4130. Join us in welcoming Jim Gritter to Montana.

In his newest book, “Hospitious Adoption” he writes about the importance of hospitality in the relationships of individuals involved in the life-altering adoption journey. Not a word that is found in the Webster dictionary, “hospitious” is a way of talking about hospitality. Jim Gritter says hospitality “speaks to heart, soul and mind; it’s capable of stirring our spirit, yet down-to-earth and understandable. It is useful in helping us comprehend a dynamic process, and it invites an attitude of respect.” He frames the adoption experience through a hospitable lens, knowing that being hospitable is not always easy but is productive in making and maintaining relationships.

When I think about the Mary and John adopted so very long ago, I wish they had been the recipients of a hospitious adoption.


Rosemary Miller is executive director of Catholic Social Services of Montana. For more information about the services offered by CSSM, visit www.cssmt.org.


Published in The Montana Catholic Online, Volume 27, No. 8, August 19, 2011.